Dudes of the Dutch Republic

‘There are only two things I can’t stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people’s cultures… and the Dutch.’

Thus spake Michael Caine in the 2002 documentary Austin Powers in Goldmember, and it’s easy to see why the Dutch arouse such passionate jealousy.

In the 17th century, despite having a population of ten and a ruler named after a fruit, the Dutch managed to fight and defeat literally everyone in the world.

When Charles II of England pissed them off, they sailed up the Thames and burnt his entire navy. They conquered most of Indonesia armed with just pepper. They didn’t so much singe the king of Spain’s beard as give him a full-on back, sack and crack with a flamethrower. Even Liam Neeson does a little wee when he thinks about how tough the 17th century Dutch were.

There are, indeed, many theories as to…